I have an acquaintance who loves to criticize those who are around him. He never hesitates to say something to the effect of, “Why, you certainly have gained weight lately!” or “Who dressed you this morning, Helen Keller?” or “I can’t believe you don’t know that! Most people learned that in the sixth grade.” Most of the time, his acquaintances can laugh it off and say “Well, that’s just the way he is.”
However, when you criticize others, you are deliberately trying to cause them pain. Why else would you point out their faults, if you didn’t mean to hurt them? Think about how you feel when others criticize you — you may feel shame – or feel stung, rejected, withdrawn or hurt. Or you may immediately go on the defensive and angrily lash out. Whatever the reaction, we can safely say that being criticized does not bring out warm, fuzzy feelings of love and acceptance.
I remember a headline from The Onion years ago, “People don’t like it when you call them stupid.” This goes for any sort of criticism. Face it, nobody likes it and the end result is usually hurting the one you are criticizing. And I think we know this deep down. Have you ever criticized someone and immediately felt a little tug in your chest or perhaps felt ashamed afterwards? We know that criticizing others is not positive behavior and yet we do it anyway. The trick here is to try and become aware of the words you use when relating to others and how they make you feel. For many of us, criticizing is a bad habit but as we become more and more aware of when we are doing it (or about to do it), we can begin the process of eliminating it from our habit repertoire.
Richard Carlson in his book Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff..and it’s all small stuff said, “When we judge or criticize others, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.” Looking at it this way, we can come to understand that overcoming the need to criticize can make us a better person – and make the world a more respectful and tolerant place.
Photo courtesy of AndYaDontStop
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